it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
