Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
