Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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