worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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