Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's never too late to be topless.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
