A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
