I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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