TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
