Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
