And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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