i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
