I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
