You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i came on her dog
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize