Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
