I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
