I can't watch pbs sober anymore
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
