WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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