I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
