I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
