i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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