Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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