My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Farmville is her only friend.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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