i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
