Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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