I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
