Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
