I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
