You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
