I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
