some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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