either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
