i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
