i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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