I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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