I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
