So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
