So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
