And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
