the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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