The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize