im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
