YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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