you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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