I wish you could order shots online.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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