Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
