It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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