I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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