just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
