He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
