i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
