i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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