Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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