Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
