you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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