I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
