The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
