we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
