Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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