Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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