man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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