I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
