we should wear snuggies to the strip club
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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