I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
