I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
