look no pants
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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