Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
